metamorphosis

I went to Sweet Tomatoes tonight for dinner, which was awesome. I used to think (incorrectly so) that most of the things there were healthy. They are if you know what you are eating. And yes, I had to have one chocolate chip cookie (70 cal). But they have an awesome site that gives all of their nutritional information. I was still under 1500cal on the day and I am busting at the seams.

http://www.sweettomatoes.com/nutritionguide/

I think I am beginning to like vegetables. I never thought I would hear those words from me, but there they are. Now, I just have to work on liking fish. (gick)

So, I spent a few days away from home and away from this site and low and behold I have gained 1.5lb, or so reads the scale the intermittently doesn’t work. Should I be weighing in at the same time everyday? The same day of the week? And if anyone happens to read this, any thoughts on aqui berries?

I went to see my father, who loves me, and buys me ice cream. I know I should have said no, but those little containers are so misleading. He also got me 100 calorie snacks, which work if you have one, not four. Am I giving up? Hell no. But I know my enemies now. I have to take a little notebook with me where ever I go. I don’t think that I am eating that much until I look at it on paper.

My husband has been awesomely supportive and honestly cannot keep his hands off of me. The idea of a new me excites us both. Well, I happen to now have a sore hip from yesterday’s adventures requiring a heating pad, ibuprofen, and rest, at least for today. Perhaps this means that I need to work yoga into my regime.

So, today I did aerobics first thing after I woke up today. I seemed to put more effort into it, and I found that wearing shoes on the carpet helped a lot. (Though we don’t usually wear shoes in the house.) I’m not sore. Not one iota of ache, with the exception of some slightly tender abdominal muscles. Does this mean that, gasp, I am getting into some sort of shape?

My husband teased me and called me skinny today. He knows how hard I’ve been working, and has given me his full support. I think this is the change that I’ve been craving. I finally feel like I am on the right path. I want this and am committed to giving it my all. It will be difficult, but with the support of my sweetheart and you all; it can be done.

By the weigh (hehe), I have to get a new scale. I am on a budget, but if anyone has any ideas for a new scale…please send them my way.

I have to find a good evening snack. I seem to get hungry after dinner and before bed. Right now I want to go into the kitchen and stuff my face, but I can’t if I sit here and type.

No aerobics for me today. I am taking the day off of exercise, but not diet. I have to relearn to eat. Back to exercise tomorrow.  To be honest, I’m hoping for a little sex before bed to make up for skipping aerobics. Besides the point is to get hot and sweaty, right?

Dearest God! My thighs, abs, and behind are on fire! I must have burned some calories today doing aerobics, or my name isn’t Loretta. I found muscle groups that I forgot I had. This evil woman on the Fit TV had “low-impact aerobics and pilates.” I thought, naively so, this is day three I can do some “low impact”work. Nay, nay. I could barely keep up with her. I needed a large bag of whatever she was on to be that happy. Make that two bags. Yet, I worked my hardest giving my effort at least an 8 out of 10.  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to walk tomorrow, but Gilaud, the hairy Israeli, is back on the work out menu.

I resisted temptation at work again today. Have I mentioned that I work in a chocolate shop? Yummy little truffles just calling out my name today. “Eat me!” each little one calls out. I look at them with desire and reply, “But I can’t,” and then dramatically place my hand on my forehead like in the old silent films.

Exercise Log

I woke this morning with tender abdominals, an aching behind, and a renewed sense of self. I made it through the first day without freaking out an eating everything in the house. I drank water until my pee was clear and only drank one soda for the day. I was hungry last night, but I think it was psychological more than physical. I watched a movie with my loving and supportive husband. He says he’s proud of me, but it is the look on his face of pure adoration that brings joy to my heart. Have I mentioned yet that I am married to the best husband in the world? He wants to pick me up and carry me around, and I giggle at the thought.

I have to go to work today. Did I mention that I work in a chocolate shop? Yeah. It is going to be like a recovering junkie at a Grateful Dead concert. Wish me luck.

So, I had a terrible case of the munchies. I asked my beloved husband to pick me up a diet soda at the local market. He came home with a bag of candy bars as well. I wanted one more than I have wanted anything in quite some time. But I resisted. I started reading a book and in about half an hour my craving disappeared. So, well day one has been wrought with endless temptation. I am really not sure which commercials are worst–food or diet products. The food commercials create hunger when there is none, and there seem to be at least ten or more per hour of television viewing. Weight loss commercials sell sex, easy solutions, and offer free humiliation. I am going to have to avoid television for a while. I also find that I am in a bit of a sour mood. I have a roommate with wasting syndrome who needs to gain weight. He finds jokes at my expense through this funny, but I am on a very short rope here. I normally have a higher tolerance for jocular humor, but today I’m hungry hence grumpy. I think some of the physical addiction to food will pass after the first few weeks. I hope, too, will pass the constant obsession over when I can have my next meal or snack. I need to refocus on my life. I need different hobbies.

So, I did aerobic exercise for the first time since God and dinosaurs walked the earth. I didn’t realize how strenuous simply lifting my arms over my head could be. It shouldn’t be, but it was. Though normally I’d feel slightly dejected and give up, not this time. I’m turning 29 this year and I want to have the body that I have always fantasized about before I am 30. After the exercise was the obligatory shower. While applying lotion, I realized all the parts of my body that I can’t see or have difficulty reaching. Yet, another sigh, but another thorn to spur me on in my resolute commitment to a healthy life.

I’ve stocked up on the ibuprofen, so I will see how I feel tomorrow. I’ve decided that for the first two weeks I am going to work out at home instead of the gym. I have a 24 hour fitness membership, but I want to wait for the fairweather exercisers to quit, usually about two weeks, before I start attending the gym. Then look out, here I come. ::cheesy dance music::

Exercise Log

Here starts a new year and for the first time a firm resolution to take control of my weight issues. I’ve always been “fat”. I’ve never really known any different. At one brief period of time, I could shop in a regular department store, but not any more. The smallest I ever was a size 10/12, and that was high school after phen-fen. I would be contented to just remain large, insulated from the outside world if it weren’t for my husband. He loves me more than I ever could imagine. I want to love myself the same way. I want to stop being embarrassed when I am naked in front of him. I want to feel sexy. I want to be healthy. Food has no control over me. I make the decisions about what I put in my mouth. I’ve done things that are seemingly impossible to other people. Why can’t I do this?

I weigh 246lbs. and I feel terrible. I have a difficult time climbing the stairs to my new apartment. I’m tired and hungary all of the time. My back and knees hurt something fierce, and I haven’t even started working out yet.

My husband will keep me motivated and this. This will make me accountable. I have a friend that runs and climbs mountains and other such nonsense. I want to be her. I want to live an active life. I only get this one. I need to make it count and stop hiding from the world.